seeking,

I feel for your dilemma but I am also impressed with the insight that you have. The biggest thing is understanding that your husband's unhappiness is due to his thoughts and actions and do not depend on you. I think seeking professional help is an excellent step to take, it may help you cope with things, may help prvide some insight as to what is going on with your husband, may lead to him getting the help he may need. Ultimately this is his burden and if he is determined to cause you heartbreak and blame you for everything then there won't be much you can do about it.

Is it possible that the closer to his dream that he gets, the more frightened he gets, and is therefore using you as an excuse to stay put in his comfort zone? Is his dream realistic? It sounds from your description like this is something that he has been working towards, but then when you talk about the expensive car I wonder if he has thought about what difficulty it might take to get his dream moving, and whether it is important enough for him to take the next step in spite of the difficulty. Might he be blaming you so that he doesn't have to make that decision?

I think he is very lucky to have someone who seems so supportive of his dream. You are willing to up and move with him to Africa to do this, and I would think that your photography career could be a good match for that location so it wouldn't necessarily be a total sacrifice on your part. You may even be able to contribute to his business as a photographer. But he apparently wants more, he wants you to not only share and support his dream but to also make it your dream. I personally don't think that is very reasonable unless it happens naturally.

Good luck with this. Kudos for planning to see a doctor tomorrow as it is taking an active step in trying to resolve this rather than letting it sit in limbo and in misery. I hope things work out for you and for your husband. Maybe your husband does have a problem with clinical depression and maybe it can be resolved with some work, after which he will be much freer to pursue and to actually be able to enjoy his dream.

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