I feel like I have been fighting for so long. I seem to improve, and then the cycles start again. I know I am still better than I was, but it is not enough right now.
I keep fighting with the systems and insurance, as well. It is so stressful- and it makes going through treatment and getting better so much harder. I am feeling so disheartened and so scared. I just want to be stable enough to hold down a job again and to feel like I am living, rather than existing and believing it a miracle when I make it through another day.
I know drinking is not helping, but yet I find myself leaning on it more than I used to... I am trying not to lose hope. I am struggling just to get out of bed and go to day treatment. I want more... I want a life. A healthy, happy life. Do things ever truly get better with bipolar? I am scared, and I feel so alone so much of the time.