Dexter, as usual great insight. Thank you for your quick response. I am feeling a little low tonight, so probably did not write the most positive stuff. I do believe we need help if we want to save our marriage. At this rate he will leave his new job after 6 months and we will move on. He also says things like the financial burden has become too much and I need to help. But he contradicts himself by buying an expensive car and playing golf in a very expensive place. Don't misunderstand me, I will never deny him these. He earns the money and should surely have some benefit.

At the same time that he is so unhappy he also says that he is very happy doing the job he does now. I think it is because he is getting recognition with a new project he is handling now.

He does not want me to attend a course on wedding photography while away on holiday in another country as he refers to this photographer as my 'boyfriend', not friend.

3 days ago he said to me he no longer wants to try to solve our relationship problems. He thinks it is the end of our relationship, we have tried so long now and he is no longer interested. He feels like packing a bag and getting lost somewhere. The responsibilities are too much for him and he just wants to get up and go. I must say I am getting close to that point now.

I suppose what is also keeping me here is that I am semi-dependant on him. My financial position is not such that I can leave immediately. But having said this, I DO NOT believe that a relationship with someone else will be any better. We have invested 15 years into this relationship, I am NOT at the point yet to give up.

But I do not know where his depression is coming from, if it is depression. I don't have the skills to deal with this, I truly feel like running away. It is very hard to live with someone like this.

His mood swings are up and down like a see-saw from day to day or hour to hour sometimes.

You may be right when you say the closer he gets to his dream the more scared he becomes. Yesterday at lunch we had a discussion about his dream of the game lodge. He said to me that he now finally knows what the problem is with our relationship. It is the fact that I don't support his dream. I asked him later on in the discussion how come he has not finished his business plan and he replied it is because he is not motivated. He is probably so depressed today because I had such an open and honest talk with him yesterday and he cannot handle the fact that he himself is responsible for his happiness.

You know Dexter, I don't know what he is thinking, he shuts up like a vault. I am sure any person's dreams can materialise. He would need approximately $8 million to make this dream come true. He would need investors for this. But before any of this can happen he has to finish his business plan, which he has not touched in ages. He has asked that I sit down with him and go through the business plan, which I am willing to do, but not really interested. Every time we schedule time to do this he changes the time or cancels. Eventually I did not persue it, I feel it is up to him to action it. It is the old saying of 'taking a horse to the water, but you cannot make them drink'.

I think you are right, he wants me to live his dream with him.

Thanks for listening, I am driving myself crazy with my own voice tonight.