To answer your question, no, I don't think life's likely to get better unless you get help. You have had a tough time with your dad's dying. I expect many of us in a situation like that would wish we had spent more time with him, but hey, you were doing what you appropriately should be doing--school, etc. I can understand guilt, but I don't think it's called for here.

You certainly could be suffering from depression. You would need a professional to officially see if that's the case. You have done the best you could. Bad at coping and being resilient? No, I wouldn't say that.

That's my opinion, anyway.