No, I can't trust anyone with this. It isn't their problem. And yeah, I know other people are dealing with much worse than I do. Which makes me feel worse because they aren't reacting the way I do.

I can't go to a therapist - they'd put me in hospital. And if that happens I can kiss goodbye Dux and the Olympics.

My suicidal friend found out about my attempts. She thinks I'm getting too attached and has cut all contact. Probably for the best, but I can't say it makes me feel any better.