Abby, I have a strong desire for rescue, for others to "fix it!", and especially my T at times. I've also idealized her and have told her numerous times I fantasize her having a perfect life, perfect marriage, etc. She laughs. We laugh.
I have struggled with the wanting to be taken care of, or 'mothering' as we call it. She has told me different things during the course of my therapy, including that 'we can't go back' (to our childhood to gain what we didn't have, in that specific way)(that I know, rationally, but needs to be said anyway ), and that if she "fixed it" then she would be doing me a disservice, because what she wants is for me to have that within me, she wants me to be able to feel the power and confidence of the ability to "fix it", and to have gentler and loving feelings toward myself. So then I have that always and forever, and not just when she is there or we are in contact. I love that she said this to me, and it has been helpful, even if I am a skilled backslider. I agree with you, it takes repetition, and it takes as long as it takes.

Not long ago I slipped into that desire to be mothered again, the desire for her to "fix it" again. I think I wanted to be physically comforted, with a hug. She told me "I can't mother you in that way, but I do want to give you everything I have to help you."
I was able to tell her that it just seems to make sense, on one level in my mind, that if I missed being loved, then love is the "fix", the thing that will fill up that gaping wound once and for all. I told her that it "makes sense" to me that she can "love me well" (to wellness). Even feeling silly, as a grown woman speaking to another grown woman, saying this, it was good to get out there.

I think the process of letting go of idealization is really difficult. We want to 'be one' with our perfect therapist, but the reality is that we are separate, and neither of us is perfect. I hope your T keeps helping you with this, because we can arrive in a place that feels even better than the fantasy we hold tight.

It does hurt and can make a person feel so alone when the intense feelings are there. At those times I have been able to go for an extra session. Is that possible for you?
By going to an extra session at those times, I eventually began to get relief from the intense feelings through talking about what was going on. That can help the whole therapy process, learning that there is relief in talking about it (I'm not the world's greatest talker).

Like you, times when the feelings are too much to 'sit with', and I need to move on, I've tried ways to calm them-- through distraction, relaxation, or an as-needed medication.

Do you know specifically what you wish your T would do to help you? What do you imagine when you think of her helping you with the intense feelings?