So.... I got thinking.

I know... uh oh, Dan is thinking again! lol

But seriously. I got thinking about all the other people that I listen to and hear about. People that are considered normal. that have good control over their emotions, that are not mentally ill, that have a healthy lifestyle and that make all of the necessary changes that they should to maintain their health, both physically and mentally. Just really healthy, normal people.

and I think about what they say about life.
they say that sometimes life is too much for them. that it is sooooo hard. that sometimes they just want an out. that sometimes they get depressed for a week, and other times they get really hyper out of no where. but this is all within a normal range.

I have been thinking, that yes, to them life can be so hard cuz it's all that they know. but if life is that hard for them, dealing with all the normal crap... then what the hell am I thinking? trying to be just like them and all.

I think of all the lost people in the world. they have no mental illness. but they are probably in a worse place in life than me.

I think of people who commit suicide.. not all of them had bipolar! Some just got to that point in life.

So... if life is really that hard for everyone.
And I have a disorder that plays on my emotions the way that it does...
and I have a disorder that plays on my moods the way that it does....
and my depression is worse than theirs...
and my anxiety is worse than theirs.....
and my hyperness is worse than theirs.....

then what the hell? Life sucks anyways, and this disorder is on top of that.

but I am getting by in life okay. sure, some days suck still, like really suck and I do tend to get mixed episodes still, but in the larger picture.... I am still better off than a lot of normal people.

how could that even be? but I know it's true!

So now this leads me to think that i need to define what sux in life versus what is caused by this disorder so I can better deal with the issues, you know, by knowing where they are coming from.

how many med increases were from issues dealing with normal life rather than symptoms of bipolar?

I mean, they work and all.... but how much of me is medicated cuz of normal life issues?

makes me feel weak in a way.... but at least I have something that works!

just thinking.... no need to respond.