I've been in a really dark and self destructive headspace for about 6 weeks now. My psychiatrist, after consulting with other members of my care team, called me at home last night to tell me he wants me in the hospital.

I can't go in today as I have too much stuff to do to get ready to go in, and I don't want to go in over a weekend, as a weekend in a psych ER strikes me as grim. So I'm going in first thing Mon. morning.

They've changed the way it works at my hospital - psychiatrists used to be able to direct refer you to a bed, now everyone has to go in through the ER where they can hold you for up to 72 hours before finding you a bed, and there's no quarantee what unit you'll wind up on - I have my preferences but it all depends on bed availability.

I'm scared, but I'm afraid that if I don't go, I'll wind up dead.

splitimage