Do you have professional help also or are you guys handling all this on your own?
Both trying hard & you've some awareness of "switching"---sounds like it was really hard to let him go...but important to be able----for both, to come and to go, give and take----Sometimes it is much harder with the awareness----no neat split that protects one from the other--and yet, that shift is somewhere on the road home and is the only way to gain the control you want and need.
What do you do for you?