Hi everyone! Thanks for all replies, I read through it all.
Really useful advice and experience, I appreciate it.
It has really gotten way out of control for me, so I'll have to see someone soon (would a psychologist differ from a therapist, counsellor, etc.?). I'm not one who likes to boast nor one who seeks pity (makes me feel weak). I've never spoken to anybody about my emotions or issues before, so I'll try and stay composed and see how it goes.
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Originally Posted by allimsaying
> I feel so "closed in" on myself. Like my real personality (the one I feel I am inside) is closed/trapped inside me, and I'm not able to express it through my outer body (or something like that).
That sounds familiar. At first I had this overall feeling of vagueness, like something I couldnt describe then, but a disconnection from myself.
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It seems like you read my mind. It all started for me with such a feeling, then it eventually evolved into all of what I posted.
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Originally Posted by adam_k
[...] The self esteem is a roller coaster somedays. When I feel depressed my self esteem usually follows. [...] Expressing emotions is still difficult for me. Some emotions are easier than other, laughter and happiness, joy were the easier ones to express. I struggle with expressing sadness. Frustration I can, but not really anger. I get mad, but I don't tend to yell or anything. I especially have a difficult time expressing anger towards other people. I think it's been over 5 years since I raised my voice at someone. I try to focus what is making me mad, and how do I resolve it.
The more I bottle up, the more mixed emotions I feel and the harder it is to untangle what is making me feel, happy, sad, depressed, etc.
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I recognise that in myself. Anger is hard to show, and I miss that "strict" voice.
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Originally Posted by adam_k
[...] Maybe do some soul searching and try to figure out what caused you to not show emotions.
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It's good that you mentioned, because I haven't though too much about that, honestly.
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Originally Posted by RJ78
I get it too. It's good that you can so clearly identify your symptoms, this is a good skill that can years to learn. Continue to document these. Like others have said, I think it's a great idea to visit a professional (physician, therapist, counsellor, etc) as a way to reach out to those who have experience with these symptoms. and keep posting here if you think it's useful.
Welcome!
RJ
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Thank you! I certainly will try that.