One behaviorist meets another one on the street. He says, "Hi. How am I feeling today?"

During a session, a psychotherapist says to his client:
"Today we're going to try and analyze your Freudian slips. See, a Freudian slip is when you want to say something but you make a funny mistake and say something slightly different. The analysis of such a mistake can lead to some emotions you're in conflict with, some bad memories from your childhood, and so on. Have you made any such funny mistakes lately?"
The client thinks a moment, and responds:
"You know Doc, yeah. I made a funny mistake while talking to my mother. I was eating dinner with her and I wanted her to pass the salad, but instead I said: 'You stupid *****, you ruined my life, I hate you.'"

One day a guy went to a psychologist for the first time. After telling him his troubles, the man says, "So doc, what's wrong with me?"
The doctor replies, "Well, you're crazy."
Indignant, the man replies, "I am not, I want another opinion."
To which the doctor replies, "OK... You're also ugly."

The middle one happens to my personal favorite.