For all my ups and downs with my eating disorder, I have no one outside of my husband, MD and now T who know...there are people who knew when I was anorexic because it became too difficult to hide but no one knows the depths of my struggles or that I still battle it daily. I have always been too scared to go into treatment for it and one reason is the shame and the sense that I can pull through it on my own. I hate being older with what so many people view as a teenage disease.

My last T couldn't handle my disorder when it got really bad last year. I knew I needed someone who seriously understood them inside and out (not saying that is what you need, had old T been supportive and stood by my side I might have stuck it out but I really felt like my physical health was again in jeopardy). This new T still sees patients who are inpatient as well. Even though I've only had a few appts, I don't feel like I have to explain every detail of the disorder, I know he gets it and that is a great relief as I obviously have lots of areas of my life I need to bring him up to speed on. Its also what scares the hell out of me about this therapist--he's already challenging my disorder in a way that I know badly needs to happen, but makes me anxious---like, am I really ready to give this up?