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This is triggering! PLEASE, Forgive me in advance!
I don't know what to say, I hurt myself two days ago, accidentally of course. It was a very bad accident that almost caused me to bleed out in a very, very short time. I was scared but couldn't open my door or use my phone cause the blood was EVERYWHERE.
I went to a local hospital where the hemorrhaging was controlled. I was supposed to go from the E.R. in an ambulance to Baltimore to a specialty medical center for hand and wrist surgery. I refused to go. I went there yesterday and was told that I shouldn't have waited so long. They wouldn't operate.
I cried all night last night. I just felt & feel so alone and traumatized by myself. It's the story of my life. I am so very self destructive. I don't even try, I just hurt myself.
I came home today from the 'Hand Center' in Baltimore and felt dead when I walked in my apartment.
I want to rip out my stitches and watch my life pump out of my wrist at
one pint/10-15 seconds. My whole life is based on being sexually assaulted when I was a preteen & teen. IT NEVER GOES AWAY! EVER!
I'm stone cold suicidal and can't force myself to say the words. I call anonymously but hang up if any questions get asked. I have to do something one way or another. It's always the same, someone else cares but I don't.
Forgive me!
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