Okay (sorry this is long but please read it)
I am a first year university student and most people would say my life is perfect. I was a straight A student in highschool and still am. My parents are perfect and I have one younger sister who I am super close with. This year I went to university and everything is great I have made lots of new friends and I have a boyfriend now who is really great.
I miss my other friends a lot as well as my sister but I see them on weekends when I go home. I miss school sports as well but I workout a lot at university to stay in shape. The past two years in highschool I was babysitting a little boy once a week. I babysat him from when he was first born until he was 2 years old (when I went to uni). My sister now babysits him. I love the little guy and miss him quite a bit as well. His mom works a lot and I think his dad is an alcoholic. Three weeks ago when I went home my dad had a freak out about the neighbour (the father of the boy I babysit). My dad thinks he is insane and doesn't want us going over there anymore. I was really rattled about this situation because I have basically helped raise the little boy and for me to just stop seeing him would be really hard for me. I argued about it with my dad and it ended with my just crying myself to sleep and the conversation just ended, he said that it was a little ridiculous how attached I have gotten.
Recently, maybe the past few weeks, I haven't been feeling great. I don't feel really sad but I just don't feel happy. Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and am getting ready for class and I just cry. Sometimes at night I will just cry too but I don't really know why... I have no one to talk about it to except my sister. I told her how I was feeling (not about the crying) and she said she was kinda feeling the same way (her best friend moved away this year and school sports stopped). I think her telling me that made me feel even worse and I don't wanna put all this on her because she is still young and I just want her to be happy.
I have no motivation to do anything, I do assignments last minute and lately haven't really been caring how well they are done. I sleep quite a bit because I don't really know how else to keep my mind off of things. Whenever I have time to think I think like crazy and get sad and want to cry but I really don't know why. I don't see any point in doing anything anymore. I go to the gym a lot because it keeps my mind off things and it's the only way for me to actually feel something and feel like I am accomplishing something.
Today when I got home for the weekend I walked in the house and hugged my dad and I just wanted to cry. I think he sensed it and asked me what was wrong and my throat got all tight and I said nothing and went to my room and cried.
I would normally not write on stuff like this but I really don't know what to do.
Please help me, I really don't know what is wrong because nothing should be wrong, am I depressed? I have never had anything like this before.