Okay (sorry if this is long but please read),
I am a first year university student, life is great. I am a straight A student and always have been. I have great parents and a younger sister who I am really close with. When I went to uni I missed my friends a lot as well as sports but it's pretty good now. I have made lots of new friends and I have a boyfriend now and he is really great. Also, the last few years in highschool I babysat my neighbour 2 days a week from when he was born until when I left (he was 2). My sister now babysits him. I grew really close to him and really got to love him so I still visit him when I come home. His mom works a lot and I think his dad is an alcoholic but I'm not sure I don't really see him much.
Like a month ago when I went home my dad said that he didn't want us going over to babysit anymore because he didn't trust the dad. We got into a huge argument that ended with me crying and him saying that its not right how much I care about the little guy and how close I am to him. How could I not care so much about him? I helped raise him and taught him how to walk and talk. For me to just stop seeing him would be really hard on me.
The past few weeks have been rough. I wake up some mornings and will be getting ready for class and I just want to cry. So I let myself cry for like 5 minutes and then get myself together and go. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep too and there are other times when I feel like crying. I haven't been really sad I just haven't been happy.. I don't see a point in the stuff I do and I have no motivation. Sometimes I just sleep because I don't know what else to do with myself to keep my mind occupied. As soon as I get bored I start thinking a lot and then feel like crying again. I have been going to the gym a lot lately because it makes me actually feel something and I feel like I am accomplishing something.
I don't really have anyone to talk about this with. I told my sister how I was feeling and she said she had been feeling the same way lately (her best friend recently moved away and sports got cancelled). When she told me this it made me even more sad. I don't want to tell her about me crying and how bad I really feel because that is a big burden for a little girl.
I really don't know what else to do. Am I depressed? I have no clue what depression feels like and I don't know why I would be depressed. I have never had anything wrong with me before, I am scared. Please help.