i think i have a pretty good idea of how you feel. i am currently in a similar position now. but maybe i could try and give us both some advice... have you tried opening up to anyone? I did with one of my teachers and it was the best decision i have ever made, but now i am trying to not communicate with him so that leads me to isolation but i digress. i think that it would be helpful to talk to a therapist or even someone here on PC. So if you ever want to talk you could message me here... but you don't have to.

maybe even writing could help to get some of your negative emotions out or posting here could really help too.

((hugs)) --- Sam