I'm so sorry for all you have been through. I understand how it feels to get "weird looks". People are cruel and I don't excuse them for it. It is so ironic that you can be a kind, carlng, loving individual and also be filled with intense hatred (I get that too). I don't have any advice to offer you as I am struggling with issues myself. All I can say is that I hope you will meet some decent people someday who will lift you up.