I usually feel better when I work out what I am feeling with someone. I found talking with someone who understand it helps. I think if we wore our emotions on our sleeves it would be easier for people to know when we need a hug and a shoulder to cry on. There are a lot of people in this forum who have felt as you do. There are people here that will listen to you.

I found a psychologist when I was younger that helped me. She was a compassionate and non judgmental voice for me to work out what was going on. Have you thought about seeking professional help? Are things really bad for you now?

This is a good community with a lot of smart people who have dealt with a lot of life problems and mental illnesses. I hope you find support and feel less alone.