Hello everyone, it's been a while. Sorry if this choppy; my computer's been broken for a while and i'm posting from my phone...
Between last time I posted here and now, I havent been quite so attentive to my mental health; partly to do with the campus counselor being seemingly unable to resist the urge to toss in totally unnecessary comments (also, i don't think "*****" is the most appropriate word to use during the session, even if it's about someone else)--overall he just comes across as conceited. Anywho. Partly to do with wanting to avoid the SI conversation with my mom--I dont think i posted about it, but over a year ago, my mom looked at my diary (she said it "fell open") and found out about my SI, but we have yet to really discuss anything about it, mostly out of wanting to avoid the whole "your beliefs wont help you and only jesus can save you" conversation. I think im getting sidetracked, but i havent been updating my account for a while. Back to present day, i've been struggling with trying to break up with my boyfriend of two years and fourr months, and i've been cutting myself again for a number of reasons: self hatred for not being strong enough to just do it, guilt for thinking about it and knowing that i'm not being fair to him, fear of significant loss (something i've never really experienced before) which makes me feel more pathetic and guilty and selfish, and partly fear of my unknown future, because i'm graduating college in four months and i still don't feel qualified to be an adult.
Ok, now good news: i finally gathered the courage to ask the school health center for a referral to a local therapist, and they gave me a bunch of names. So now i just need to give them a call and set up a consultation. I also ran it by my mother, who offerred to email me a copy of my long-lost insurance card, so the hard part is just being an adult and overcoming phone anxiety. I am still so very new to the therapy thing. Any advice? Words of comfort?