Hi Lola,

The first part of your comment would tick me off like nobody's business. It seems like a mean thing to say.

Even though this seems flatly inconsistent with what I said in my OP, I am not worried that he feels like this now. And I really did the biggest part of my most dysfunctional healing work before I even met him. I would say that the quantitative aspects of the effects of the CSA on me and our life together have been really quite mild. I have felt lately, in the 6 months since a surgery that messed with my s*xual functioning, more symptomatic and triggery and I think that is where my anxiety is now. But I realize writing this that my ability to be as free & open in bed as I used to be, my issues around that, are probably at the center of why this is pushing my buttons.

But being the partner of a survivor-- which I have done in a previous relationship. I think there is a piece of what you're saying, the "so what? everybody has their issues that impact their partner" that is absolutely true. Being supportive to someone dealing with anything is kind of the same no matter what.

I also see it as a valid thing, too. Some people wouldn't marry someone who had terminal cancer, or a history of substance abuse, or was in a wheelchair, or whatever, because they don't think they are up for it. I sort of get that guy in the article, even though I think he's still a tool.