You both seem to have some issues here. Financial and otherwise. But I will only speak to what I am getting from you mostly since you are the one here askig for help.

When I read your apologies to her I cannot help but feel they are not sincere but passive agressive with some somewhat hidden diggs which keep the argument going. When you aplogize and follow up with.."sorry that is not enough for you" really sort of seems to not only dismiss what she is saying but also places all the blame back to her..she expects way to much so it's her fault kinda thing. That is not really an apology that seems sincere. You also go on to tell her she abondoned you and destroyed your world and then follow up with how you have no one to blame but yourself. Two oposing things, but I think when most people are looking to see if someone is sincere they notice these things and look for consistancy. Anyone can say sorry, but really meaning it is another matter.

On topics like valentines day. Is it really so much about buying anything or about spending quality time with your partner that makes you both feel loved and special and has nothing to do with hallmark or consumerism. Also that is not a one way street, that is something that both partners can put effort into.

I would encourage you to try therapy together or at least try comunicating better. Her emails are full of swearing and anger and hurt, yours are full of hurt and anger as well, tho no swearing I didn't notice. Swearing might be just words but it also seems to get in the way of real communication sometimes.

Other thing I noticed is your wife say a whole lot, she is pretty descriptive and detailed but that does make understanding what she is talking about a little more easy. Less guess work. Your responses seem to ve a bit vauge, not really detailed, and not saying a whole lots about your feelings or the issues. So that might be something else to look at.

Maybe therapy together would help you both learn how to communicate more effectively and clearly so that you both might start working together instead of against each other.

I know this, both people want to be heard, validated and cared for with some effort from their partner, often times people are too resentful to honestly give what they want back. It just becones a tug of war until that can happen. Seems like you both need to be a little more compassionate and understanding of each other.