One of the issues I have is that I can't verbalize what's in my head. So I write everything down, especially stuff I find very difficult to talk about.

A few sessions ago, I wrote a letter to my T that I shared with him. The session before last, I went in with a "list" of things I wanted to ask/go over with him.

We started to address some of the points on the list, but not all of them. When the session was over, T asked if he could have the list. I was shocked, but gave it to him, with much anxiety. When I saw him last session, the first question I asked is why he wanted what I wrote.

He said "well, I want to use it with my students and for teaching purposes". I'm a teacher, so he tried to relate it to how much I would be helping him and his students in his teaching. Then he asked me for ALL the stuff I wrote!!!

The funny thing is that from the very first session, I WANTED to give him everything I wrote, since I had a lot of journal entries about my issues and innermost thoughts. But I just wanted HIM to read it, not the whole world (or at least his students!) He assured me full confidentiality and said all names would be changed but is all I can keep thinking of.

To make matters worse, when I had my last session, I went in with another journal entry that I wanted to read, but we didn't have time. When I got up to leave, he asked if I would leave my notes with him (I type them up and print them since I have an injured hand and can't write). I told him that I wanted to keep my notes for next time so I could remember what I wanted to talk about. He said okay, but to make sure I bring them and give them to him...

I feel that he's real insistent on getting my notes and really wants them badly. I'm confused and torn about what to do...part of me feels like he's using "reverse psychology" to get me to stop writing, since that's something he mentioned we should work on. He feels like I hide behind my writing and it's holding me back and wants me to try to stop. The other part of me wants to believe him, that he will use my notes for teaching but for the life of me, I don't know HOW my writing can be educational for those pursing their degrees. A friend of mine said it's pretty cool that he thinks my writing is good enough to be useful for educational purposes, I'm not sure how I feel about that.

I don't know what to do. I know I'm going to talk to him about this more when I see him Monday but once again YIKES!