There's nothing wrong with what you're saying. The fact that he was a social worker, however, I don't think has much to do with it. No one who's a T should even try to be a T to their partner-- assuming they were even capable, it's like operating on your sister or writing your Mom's will. At home, T's must play the role of loving partner, not T.

I do notice, though, that you can be really defensive about anyone criticizing a guy-- even a guy that isn't attached to someone on this board. It feels unsupportive to me (although not in a bad or hurtful way) as I'm feeling sensitive about putting my H through being a partner to a survivor. Maybe I shouldn't want people to just say this guy's a total @sshat, but in fact I do, and being defensive in his honor just doesn't help support me. Again, I don't feel hurt or upset about anything you said and you have the most right to say it, I'm just saying how it affects me, okay?