I just want to start out saying I don't have any plans to cheat on my wife and I serious doubt I would. I don't want to say I have a code I live by, but there are certain things I wouldn't do. I would never forgive myself for betraying her.

With that being said, I often find myself thinking what it would be like to be with other people. Not just sexually, but how my life would be married to someone else.

A couple months ago I was watching some youtube video's and I stumbled upon this channel psychetruth. There is a women, Corrina, that does videos and I found myself having a slight crush. I just wondered what it would be like if Sarah was more like her. She seemed to be a very compassionate, honest and confident with herself. My wife is honest (i believe), but compassion and self confidence aren't her. Sarah is the tough love type, and maybe that works for us. Sometimes I want someone in my live to offer a few kind words and a hug. Some reassurance I guess. Sarah is the type to tell you to through some dirt on it and push forward.

I also like Corrina confidence. Sarah is not a very confident person, and it seems like a lot of times I have to push her to do things. For example in the 8 years I have been with Sarah she has only worked for 2 of them. I'm not wanting someone to take care of me or anything but it is difficult to make things work on one salary and she has a huge school debt I cannot afford to pay. Her school payment is 1/3 of the money I take home every month and right now I am struggling to pay everything without paying that one. It would be nice if she pushed forward on her own and stepped up to the plate so to speak. I've talked to her about this and told how things are, she just doesn't seem to care about the finances. I wish she would find a passion or at least something she enjoys and does that. I don't expect her to make a million dollars, but to at least pay for the school loan she has. I think there a lot of job she could make at least $1,000 dollars a month. I find it bothersome she expects me to work and she gets to sit home all day playing video games. She does some stuff around the house but it doesn't feel like an even division of responsibilities. Sometimes I wish she would be confident in herself and take life by the horns and get what she wants.

Corrina also seemed kind hearted and compassionate. She has done a lot of video just trying to help people. A lot of them just have a simple message like eat more vegetable and don't listen to advertiser who want to sell you junk food. It seems like she has a genuine desire to help people. I find I do as well, and I admire that in another person. I mean to genuinely help people and not expect something in return. I have some family member that "help" you and then they use that to get something in return by using guilt. In my opinion that is not helping. Evey relationship should have it's give and takes, but using guilt shouldn't be part of the equation. I admire people that want to be a positive force in this world without expecting anything in return.

I've always been attracted to artist. I appreciate someone's ability to create something. Whether that be music, art, objects. I think that is what I found attractive about my wife when we first started dating. She was a graphic arts student and she seemed to genuinely enjoy it. I found a beauty about someone being able to pour thier heart and soul into something and have this thing that comes out which is a reflection of them. My wife has given up on art and that makes me sad. Sometimes I just wish she would have a passion.

Where do these desires come from? Is it a product of having something we feel is missing in our own lives that we wish to find in someone else? It is just human nature to want someone else and we desire whether we have someone we love or not? I can control my actions, but can someone control what they want?