Quote:
Originally Posted by skysblue
It's good to know that some people do not want to receive a compassionate response from another person. I can understand that if the reaction from the other person seems fake or insincere. But you're saying that even if that person has some true sensitivity to your pain, you still have a violent impulse?
Your preference, then, is that a feeling response not show up in others? You'd rather a non-response or a clinical response or an uncaring response? I believe the best relationships are those in which people can support each other emotionally. But, of course, I'm only speaking for myself. I see that for others, that does not describe the best kind of relationship. Interesting.
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I don't fully know how to better describe my take on this. What others intend as a compassionate response does not feel compassionate to me. It is not that I don't want emotional support as an idea, it is that the way it is usually expressed is not experienced by me to be supportive or useful or caring or anything other than horrible. Because I do realize I cannot control how others respond (which would be for any response not to be expressed externally at all), it is much better for me to forego talking about such things because of how awful for me any response that is not understated to the point of nonexistence is, otherwise it is too much and threatens to engulf, overwhelm or obliterate me OR it seems like the response has nothing to do with me at all (which well may be the case, I just don't want to be expected to take care of someone else because of what happened to me.) This still does not fully and accurately reflect what I am trying to convey.
One thing is that what one person perceives as compassionate is not necessarily what will be that way for me. I have had to learn to do what I consider overreacting and engulfing to friends and lovers because although I was thinking I was being compassionate, they experienced as cold, distant and unconcerned. It feels wrong to me, but they seem to like it and it does not hurt me any - it just is so odd. I do it because I do want them to know I care or whatever.