((Hellion))),

Yes, I can relate to what you are describing, I am often challenged that way myself. The problem with PTSD is that it can get "exhausting" because there "is" a constant challenge with anxiety and it is often hard to "control" it. As JD explains, she can often manage 4 to 5 hours with other people "seeming to be normal" however she does know that she is "not" normal and only manages to "seem normal".

Well, here is another way to think about it. I can relate to people who are "autistic" in a way, it is not due to the lack of "intelligence", the biggest challenge is "overstimulation" where the brain can begin to have too many racing thoughts all at once, hense it gets very difficult to slow down the brain to "process one thing at a time methodically". My Autistic grandnephew has tried to explain this to no avail too. He is only in 3rd grade, but has the IQ of a freshman in college, can you imagine? His teachers will work with him on some math problems and after a while he needs to "stop" as he can feel his brain getting wound up and overwhelmed. Unfortunately, the teachers don't listen, instead they keep pushing him to continue, when they do that he begins to lose control and gets what we call an "anxiety attack" and he can also get "very angry" and he doesn't like it, he doesn't like losing control like that.
Well, children who are "autistic" are known to have to be careful about "overstimulation" and they can behave in "odd" ways to the average person who can "control" themselves and not have "overstimulation" issues. That is the "just" that JD says that others can't seem to understand that with PTSD people can't "just". Actually it is really cruel when people address PTSD patients with these "just" comments and can be so "condescending" about it as well. Just get over it, just deal, just ignore, just calm down, just stop dwelling, just stop letting yourself get angry, and the list goes on and on.

I remember when I first joined PC, I often posted "long posts" and sometimes I can still do that. Many of my posts were long and "racing" in the beginning. What was happening on my end is often I would see a question and go to answer it and it was hard to keep my mind from racing out ahead of me. I noticed that I had missing words or sentences that I had not realized were "missing" until I "reread" my posts.
However, I did notice that PC was helping me alot, it was helping because it was something I could do that "helped" me work on slowing down my brain. One question at a time, one word at a time, one topic at a time, working on focusing more instead of suffering the overload I experienced constantly which was being extremely aggrivated by people in my family that were actually being mean to me for something I honestly could not help.

There is a desire for "isolation" with PTSD because of how "upsetting" it is when the brain begins this cycle of "overstimulation" and the incredible challenge that takes place to "slow it down". And it is very upsetting for someone who has PTSD because they don't understand why they can't "just" like they used to. It can easily scare them, and that only makes it "worse" because when they get scared they begin to "feed into it" and it becomes "more" debilitating. I have had it so bad that all I could do was lay down, take a Klonopin and I suffered such a horrible headache where it felt like my entire brain was getting "squeezed", it was horrible, debilitating, and very painful.

What I described yesterday about my husband triggering me? Well, my husband is the kind of person that is "high energy" and "gotta do things quick, get it done, let's move, right now". Well, that kind of mentality is extremely challenging for me to be around because it can "trigger" me into my brain "racing" and unfortunately my husband just doesn't get that and his response to my struggle is "to pick on me and make comments that are condescending and disrespectful of how challenged I really am". If you were to talk to him, he would say that it is like "walking on egg shells around me", and honestly I can understand why he would say that, why anyone would say that". I have had to learn to do my best to not feel "guilty" because I can be so "sensitive". Honestly, if my husband is around for the weekend, by the end of the weekend, I am exhausted. It is a lot of work for me to be around him because he is a very highly "active" person, he has dislexia and ADHD and it can be hard for him to sit still and he is "hurry up quick" constantly and he doesn't realize he is that way, and unfortunately he also has "loud" body language that also expresses that "hyperactivity".

I have been working "very hard" on learning how to help myself relearn how to "slow down" when I begin to struggle. I have had to learn how to slowly recognize when I get triggered and to slowly help myself disassociate from the "stimulation" and function in a more "balanced" way. It is a mindfullness above and beyond the average person, it is alot of work, and it is a skill that takes time to "slowly" develope.

The other part of my PTSD is my history. I have also had to slowly address my history were I suffered abuse that goes all the way back to my early childhood.
For me, it isn't just my recent trama that was the major cause for my developing this crippling PTSD. I have had several tramas in my life and what I didn't realize is that my history of tramas made me more prone to develope PTSD from the kind big trama that I experienced.

I have been slowly working on this in "therapy" and I have been learning all about being "self aware" in a way that many people who have never experienced PTSD are not. I have had to learn that my history doesn't mean I am "ruined' as a person, or that I should be "ashamed" or "feel guilty" about how I developed as a person. Instead, I am learning about how I developed because of my history and to finally allow the parts of me that were dormant and damaged to finally be validated and mourned and healed appropriately.

Each person is going to be a little different depending on their personal history. The point is, while the healing process is slow, it doesn't mean we cannot "heal". However, it "is" a process and it "is" work. There are good and bad days, and it can often be "tiring" too, but that doesn't mean "achievement" cannot happen. The important thing is not allowing self to be hard on self, to keep an open mind and make a conscious decision for patience no matter what. And that means no matter what other people who do not understand PTSD think or say that can be "mean" and "hurtful". I know personally that can quite a challenge as there is no short supply of people that will be condescending and reply with "just" comments.