I remember the time when I stopped med, stopped counselling, I stopped counselling because I made them looked stupid to my wife. So I told myself, if nobody can help me, then I'll help myself. There is no harm trying. What is the worst that can happen, that I end up dead?

So I asked myself who am I. I don't know me. I walked to my memory lane to when all things are fine. I saw my happy me, when I was a kid. Was that me? Can I be me again?

That was the time I unknowingly begin a journey to recovery. I want to know who I am.
I asked myself how am I going to find out who I am. Observation. I began to observe people. I find out that what I thought and felt about people reviewed a little bit about me.

Am I going to recover? I don't know. I don't want to care. I just want to be a participant and enjoy the process of discovering who I am, who I can be. If I recover, that can be an unintended side effect. This is the meaning to my life, to discover who I am and who I can be.