I was just laughing my head off today.

I was getting ready to go somewhere with Bruce (my roommate) and went thru my purse.

It was a mess----OMG---I found broken pieces of candy canes all over the bottom of my purse not even in the wrapper! LMAO---laughing hard.

The difference between today and the past: I did not put myself down for being a slob. I laughed at myself. HARD.

I am laughing because I remember how my aunt (who raised me and verbally abused me) reacted every time I had messy hair, messy room, messy PURSE.

She told me once that my purse looked like a little garbage can---she goes, "Carol, I am not running around with a person carrying around a little trash can!"

And she would say it in public or in the car and that embarrassed me, too. She was not the only one embarrassed.

So, today, I was thinking, I am undergoing major self-reparenting processes--I was thinking, if the tables were turned now and I were raising a child, I would not be telling her in public what a mess she was. I would tell her in private, "Next time we go out, could you please clean your purse out? It looks gross and I don't like other people seeing it. It's embarrassing."

So, I am laughing at myself now and I am laughing with my poor aunt, who did not have any real parenting abilities other than putting me down. She had tried to teach me hygiene, but had done it in a negative way.

I celebrate another anniversary (see rebirthday entry) today of recovery from my mental illness and surviving unbelievable torture and coming thru.

if this year is better, I look forward to even BETTER years!

Carol