Thanks Anika, I agree about the power play. They can really make us question ourself, but I really believe in myself, way more now than when I was first handed the dx - that shattered my reality for awhile. And I really thought I had to take all the meds pdoc gave me. But still had the moods, plus side effects. I was honest with her about quitting the wellbutrin at our last visit.

*Possible Trigger*
Same pdoc had my daughter admitted for her 2nd psych stay a couple years ago (cuz she was depressed and cutting). My daughter was 16, and I knew what my daughter was thinking / hoping she could get shot up with a bunch of ativan or something and escape her hurt. I knew it wouldn't go down like that, and that they'd deny her any benzo's while on a 5150 hold. I did not feel a 5150 was a good idea, I wanted to bring my daughter home and stay with her night and day and help her get better. I asked pdoc what if I don't take her to the hospital right now? She said, you can do that, but then I won't provide further treatment. So I gave in, my daughter agreed to go, but when she got there and realized they weren't taking her pain away, she wanted to leave but we were closed in by police, my daughter cried while she had to put on the gown in front of the male cop who wouldn't even turn around while she changed clothes. My calling him a twisted pervert didn't help the situation either. It turned into a 2 week hospital stay at a horrible psych ward 2 hours away, the staff was mean, it just sucked, she just got more depressed. First thing when she got home was lock herself in the bathroom and SI, I busted in and just hugged and hugged her and kissed her scars and we cried and held each other. Eventually now I consider, the experience may have made her stronger, but in a cruel way. So after that, I feel no reason to have to fully trust the pdoc and don't feel obligated to tell her everything. I do think she's a good doctor, but I also think I know more about my spiritual being, and my daughter's that she won't ever understand. So sticking to my right to my privacy. (That's all pretty heavy, I will add trigger icon)

Sorry, sort of straying, back to original topic... My opinion is strong, but I believe bp people are highly intelligent and should be allowed more choice in their treatment than many pdocs want to allow. Our opinion matters just as much as theirs. I think you trust yourself and learn as much as you can about bp and med/non-med treatments to help you figure out if the meds are helping.