This man. He makes me want to throw things.

I think this is probably at the very heart of things:
I'm sorry you're struggling so much. I wish there was a way to make it easier, less sad, less horrifying.

I wouldn't go so far as to say your connection was fake, because there had to be something there to help you get to where you are now. But I hear what you're saying. He certainly did any connection you had a complete injustice, and let it come second to his own self-preservation mechanisms. He should really see a therapist about that .

I also understand wanting him to hurt as much as you do. I can see the benefit in getting your stuff back and giving his back, but please don't do anything you think even a little bit that you might regret later, like shredding that letter. If you're sure you won't, shred away. But unfortunately, you cannot *make* him hurt. I imagine somewhere inside he does hurt. Unless he's a psychopath, it's usually hurt that drives people to behave so horribly.

I wrote a lot of long, angry letters to my T when we had terminated. In one of them I told him about all the horrible things I wanted to happen to him. I'm glad I never gave it to him, because I'd have regretted it. But just saying, I definitely get wanting him to feel the pain you are feeling, because it's so unfair that you have to endure it alone.

Well, alone in that you're the only one feeling it at full force. We're always here for you