I hate when people say that to me.. I am a living in the moment type person but seem if I'm an optimist because I've realized, how can I when the moment sucks? People that say that are in perfect situations and in good condition.

Everything was perfect when I was a kid. No care in the world, lots of friends, happy, caught up in the moment. Now everything is the opposite. EVERYTHING.

Dad replaced with evil step dad, live in the middle of no where, teachers aren't strict enough to get me to do stuff, ****** grades.. No future. Even though I have a job, it sucks because I'm too depressed to attend. If I wasn't so depressed and have such suicidal thoughts at work and school more so than now, I would be on my way to living a happy life in my well demanded trade that I'm lucky to have and I'll be earning up to 76 dollars and our with possible tripple over time with all expenses paid.

At this time I would rather sit alone, search ways online on how to kill myself, drink my step dads liqueur watch the days pass by like the past two years have already had while keeping the smile on my face (although I'm kind of getting tired of it now and people are starting to notice)

My mom notices. She keeps asking me to tell her what's wrong but I can't. She thinks that she can fix everything. I honesty tried so hard to stop screwing up and being depressed. I can't do it. I surely need medication but I know that she won't approve because she would be embarrassed of me. She gets mad every time I skip work because "I don't like work" so how made would you think that she would get if it made makes me want to kill myself even more when she doesn't know that I'm suicidal? She complains about teenagers getting drugs "for no reason" and that "parents are stupid for drugging up their kids".

It's a complete dead end. My step dad found out about me taking his liquor before (seven shots while they were gone). I'm being monitored so I can only take a shot every few days without him noticing as I collect it and take it all at once.

Should I tell my mom that I'm depressed? At this point I would just rather take a minimum wage job away from people and isolate myself for eternity, drinking heavly and taking drugs and eventually ending up killing myself. Making meth is easy..