Quote:
Originally Posted by Fixated
When I first started therapy, I thought T was just going to help me learn how to better deal with other people. I had been wronged. All of these external factors were leading to my horrible life.
As therapy has gone on, the layers of the onion have been peeled away. All of my defenses and excuses have been beaten down and dismissed.
All that's left is me. I am the one who has to change. I am the mastermind of my own misery.
My logical mind knows this, yet I am still fighting against it with everything I can muster. I still cry that it is unfair. I still try to see myself as the victim. I do not know how to live in a world where I take sole ownership of my pain, and I guess...also of my life.
How do you do it? Like I said, I feel beaten down. This coming inevitable realization does not make want to get back up. It makes me want to give up because I do not see any path to success.
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Fixated
I am going throught the same thing right now and it is so scary to accept control of your life and be responsible for our actions, sometimes it is just easier to be a victim and blame everyone else but the reality is we are responsible for how our life is turning out.
Only we can change and this frightens the S*** out of me. I want to be happy but something in me won't let me be happy and keeps pulling me back into this pit of misery. Just because you can't see the path please don't stop searching for it because I promise you that you will see it someday and want to take that path and not sidetrack down the muddy misery path again.