I cancelled with new t because I can't put myself through this right now. I need a break from all the hard stuff just for a while as it is triggering me too much.
I know this is self sabotage and I know I am not doing the right thing but I keep self sabotaging lots of things lately. I feel like a time bomb waiting to explode. I need the comfort and familiarity of my current t right now because she is like my mother and I just need someone to care about me.