congrads on stopping yourself from doing it, that can be REALLY hard to do. i also can empathize with you on the feelings that arise when others talk about it. it's really good that you do not want to do it. that is the first step to not doing it anymore or at least rarely doing it. I hope that you will keep up not doing it and preventing yourself from si'ing. do you have someone that you feel comfortable talking about it with? preferable someone that won't trigger you?

Hang in there!

P.S. I love your screen name... it reminds me of my middle school mascot... the dolphin :-)

--Sam