I often feel like people are judging me also. Even though I've been told no one else really spends their time judging other people. More often that not, it is me that is judging other people. The whole black and white BPD thinking is the reason maybe. When I decide that people aren't judging me, I go and find other reasons to feel inferior. I do feel like a stranger all the time. Like YOUWILLRISE says, I used to dress up but after my existential crisis, I am not inspired to dress up as much as I used to. I feel like I just look ridiculous and feel awkward more than anything else. I am decent however, and clean, and good looking . I miss companionship so much. I just want to hang out with somebody without any obligations or expectations and just be. Sometimes I feel like I stand out, and other times I feel like I'm invisible. People don't move aside when I walk down the sidewalk for example. I struggle every day just to keep my thoughts quiet.