I can't have the dark thoughts or I will end up hurting myself. Today I stayed in bed till 3:30 -- on weekends I just lay in bed until I start thinking too much or have bad dreams. I haven't been out yet, but I'm thinking about going to Target and whether I can drag myself into the shower to go. Whoopdeedoo.

Sam2, I couldn't answer yesterday because it felt like it would make me too upset. I love dogs more than I love people - well, that's not saying much, is it? I love dogs more than anything. I lost my two dogs in the "divorce" and it breaks my heart to know that I will never see them again, ever. I don't have a dog now because in my rush to move out, I chose poorly. This place allows dogs, but there is absolutely no yard. I just don't feel like I could responsibly own a dog while I live here. That's a primary motive for me finding another place, but my motivation is at absolutely zero right now. And that puts me in a kind of Catch-22, because I believe having a dog would save me. What I think about now is driving at high speed into a telephone pole. But don't worry, I'm safe (feel like I have to say that).