I want to thank you guys for the support and advice and ideas.

I am not reading her blog - I haven't for nine months. The new information I have is information she is e-mailing directly to me. I wish she would LEAVE ME ALONE. She said her last e-mail was for her "closure". I so hope that is true.

I'm not pressing charges against anyone. I COULD press charges against her, but I'm choosing not to, unless I have to for my own protection. I just want this to end.

I've been writing, and it helps. It's helping to get some of the poison out. I'm not going to ask for my things back from T. He can do what he wants with them. I do think I am going to give his things back to him, though. I don't want to see him, but i will leave them for him. The good things from our "relationship" are things I carry inside of me...the courage I learned to connect with others is the biggest. That is real, and is part of me now. Seeing T's things around triggers me and makes me sad. I could just throw them away, and I know returning them to him is kind of an immature way of "getting back" at him, but maybe as I continue writing, that urge will go too. I do want to move forward.

It's hard not to get caught in a loop of "OMG, I spent 5 years of my life with this person and they threw me away". Because it's TRUE. But just because it's true doesn't mean I have to dwell on it. It's hard not to. I don't know WHAT to do.

I am thinking I may find a new therapist just to help me with this one thing. Because this is really hard. Not starting over, just working through what happened with T.

I know I will find a way to be okay, and I know this will always be a little sad spot inside of me.

It's just so fresh right now, and so surprising. And so painful.

It will get better.

Thank you for the website recommendation, adel. I'll go check it out for sure.

I so appreciate PC