i almost snapped and cut my arm with my new razor, but decided to cut on my ribs instead. once i si on my arms is when i'll make myself tell someone. but that will never happen. i can't afford to tell anyone besides my former teacher, and i can't talk to him until the end of the semester or he'll think i'm clingy an weak. there is no way i am going to do anything to lessen me in his eyes... he means too much to me. but part of me wants to do it really bad to have an excuse to see/email him. he teaches at my old middle school, which is in the same building(mostly) as my high school. then if i do it on my arms and bad enough then he could see it and feel sympathetic and maybe decide to hug me... which is what i have been wanting to happen ever since the end of last year. but he is really understanding about my cutting. he's known ever since i started.... but i digress. anyway, it's just so weird to be cutting and no one knows an everyone thinks i am perfectly fine. none of my behavior at home or school would suggest that i am dealing with anything like this... which is a good thing. i know i should talk to someone but no way in hell will i give anyone at my hs a reason to think that i have mental issues or that i cut. in middle school, people knew i did it and teachers knew, but freshman year is a clean start no one now knows and no one will know because i am almost a new person and i don't need to give anyone ammunition to think anything bad about me. so i shall keep my mouth SHUT!

thanks for listening to my loquaciously written thoughts (i used that word right, right? :-)

--Sam