Holy smokes adam_k!!! That's a heck of a lot hanging over both of your heads.

I may be a "goody two shoes" in here, but I seriously can't imagine this debt not concerning your wife at all. There must be a deeper issue keeping her away from the job market, rather than she'd rather simply sit on he butt all day eating bon-bons! Like some major anxiety?

I've been looking for a job for quite some time & there's barely anything out there. It seems that employers can pick the cream of the crop as it's a TIGHT job market! It's pretty dang depressing to see that I can't even get a low-paying job. My ex-hub says that I'm over-qualified for all of these simple jobs that I'm applying for and that scares prospective employers away from hiring me. But, since my brain surgery and TBI, I have much lower abilities than I had before. A real crappy situation!

Maybe your wife is struggling with similar thoughts? Disappointment in not achieving her goals and no real confidence or interest in continuing on the difficult quest of finding a new career path. It's certainly a possibility that you may want to explore with her.

Regarding your interest in the other woman, I think that it's pretty normal to spot the positive qualities of others that you've always appreciated. Kudos to you for not acting upon your interest! In general, it sounds like your wife is depressed and has lost a bit of herself that you always appreciated. You miss those positive characteristics now. Being married comes with sticking together through thick and thin. It sounds, to me, as though these issues need to be addressed.

Very best wishes to you both!