I'm feeling extremely bad right now and can't figure any real reason I should be. As I mentioned in a previous post I returned back to the site in the hopes of finding help, and having support and stuff. I've found that, and some good people to talk with. I planned on calling about going to get a psychiatric evaluation but I procrastinated all last week saying I'd do it tomorrow but now I'm incredibly anxious. I have severe anxiety, so even the seemingly most meaningless tasks can be a huge ordeal and even calling can be a massive issue. I'm nervous and worried and I don't really have anyone I could ask to go with me, or help me with this. I've got lots of friends in theory, but none left that I feel would actually come help and so I see myself procrastinating until the point I decide I'm sick of thinking of it and give up on trying to change my life.

The whole goal is to get my life manageable, and actually have something to call a life. I've been doing nothing for 27 years as far as "Having a life" as people say. I'm 27, alone, have never been with anyone, and find it hard to believe people when they say they care about me. I have never been able to work more than 3 months. Well my other post explains all this. The point is right now I'm just feeling hopeless about my prospects of actually tackling this all by myself. I know the community here is here for me, but that doesn't do much good towards physically getting me to an appointment. I know I don't want to die but now that I'm in my late 20's I've started to really take on the "Get busy living or get busy dying" and my string of ending friendships has me worried my mind is setting me up to kill myself this year. I don't want it to come to that. Thus I'm finally trying to get help. People on here were kind enough to help me with the resources and stuff but now I need help with the execution and don't know who to ask and that leads to a spiral downwards to where I am now. Anxious, alone, and incredibly sad.

The weird thing is that for the first time in 10 years someone challenged me to force myself to vulnerable and to be challenged by thoughts and feelings I had pushed away. That's why I can't explain why I'm so down because I was so excited to feel alive for the first time in a long time.

My chest is just been full of anxiety the last few days and it really has me worried about myself cause it's not normal for me at all to deal with it for this extended amount of time. It feels like my chest is collapsing in on itself all the while my heart is exploding.