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Originally Posted by artemis-within
It is hard fixated. Very hard. But keep at it. It is very worth it. I recall many sessions with my t where i sat there stomping my feet saying "it's not fair!! Why is it always me that has to change!" I can sure identify.
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Oh yes. I still cling to the idea of fairness as well. Think it frustrates T to know end. lol. So it eventually got better for you? Was it just sorta gradual with Ts constant reminder or was there something that helped you flip the switch?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah
But the flip side of this coin is that you have the power and not others.
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With my control issues, you would think this would sound like music to my ears. I wonder why it does now. It still scares me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by healed84
My T still likes me to know that the things that happened to me in the past were outside of my control. Sure, they have made me who I am today, some good and some bad. However, I am working on it. Like Anne said, you are the mastermind of your future. My T reminded me of this my last appointment. I admit for the like the first couple of hours, it was very empowering to know, that I am not stuck in a corner by other people. That, I make all the decesions myself. Then it scared the crap out of me too. If, I don't want to be the way that I am.. With a lot of hard work, I could change. That is a lot of freaking responsablity.
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Yes, a lot of responsibility. I also wonder if I would have gone through some version of this dilemma no matter what as just a basic part of becoming an adult? I just turned 25, so I am trying to finish grad school and find a real job. Start a life at the same time I am trying to heal my damages past.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreamy01
I think it's one of the hardest things in the world to look at ourselves and take responsibility for the roles we play in life. It takes a lot of courage to even reach that point never mind accept it. Many, if not most people, don't.
It's natural to feel beaten but that feeling won't always be there. At the moment it's probably overwhelming to know it's down to you to change and create the life you want. In my experience I felt angry and miserable because I couldn't put the responsibility onto anyone else to take care of me or to change to make my life managable. It was down to me. It made me more aware of my faults and quirks and what I really didn't like about myself. It can easily esculate into hopelessness and depression unless you take charge of it. But remember you are okay -no matter what. ALL humans have faults and difficulties and look to others sometimes. It is natural to do that. What may help you, now, is to feel the power that you have and cherish the good things about taking responsibility. They will come.
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Thank you for these wise words. I think dealing with this does have me stuck in depression right now. If I just lock myself away, maybe I can ignore it. Part of the problem is that I gave up on so much throughout life because I didn't think I could be perfect at is, so now I have little idea who I really am. T and I have worked on this a little, but will need to do it much more.