What an interesting post. Thank you for sharing. I, too, have had a similar experience. Yes, initially it was quite traumatic for me...but as I realized that I was given an additional chance at life, it became a good feeling.

Being on a ventilator can be harrowing, for sure. That's why they keep you mostly sedated.

I think you are more fearful of running out of medicine than the event at this point perhaps? Not sure you can handle the memory on your own, perhaps? It would make sense to me, as all of your story does.

What medicine were you given? Have you sought out a Therapist to discuss your experience with, to work through it completely? I think that helped me, as I had colleagues who did assist me to put it all into perspective.

One thing I also had (have) that helped me in a strong faith in God. If you are not sure about the outcome from dying, then why not call your local faith's office and make an appointment to also discuss your fears.

Good wishes!