my alters were completely separate people....let me explain something...yes its one body but with DID alters are different then the host... they may share a physical body but...

they have their own way of being just like a normal whole person does
they have their own emotions and feelings just like a normal whole person does
they have their own clothing just like a normal whole person does
their own toys just like a normal whole person does
their own jobs out in the job market and with in the home just like a normal whole person does

their own everything that makes up a whole person who they are....

a personality with DID is the combination of characteristics/qualities of a person...

because of this people with DID and the alters with in the host believe, act and think separately just like you and your best friend down the street think and act differently.

because of this people with DID, the alters and those that love the person and alters usually do consider their self and their alters/ their spouses / significant others and their hosts to be separate people.

and where romance and sex is concerned it is usually best to take into consideration things like treating the alters and host differently and considering the host and alters feelings when on the subject of romance and sex....

example what if during a romantic moment an alter who does not like hugs, kisses and other intimacy pops out...does the significant other think ....ok they are just one person so what works for the significant other will be ok for this alter too and keep on going with the intimacy actions?

no because that will traumatize both the alter and the host... how....because it can still be considered sexual abuse even if its an alter.

and vice versa what happens if an alter who is in love with a significant other, and the significant other does not feel that love and desire for the alter, but the alter continues to force their love and possibly more on the significant other.....here in New York no is no its still sexual abuse....

which is why when I had this problem with another person I was in a relationship with who was in love with me and not my alters my treatment provider, that person i was in a relationship with and I had to have couples therapy so that my girlfriend of that time could learn how to deal with such situations.

people with DID usually do have situations where the alters will have their own romantic interests that may be the same as the host or different than the host but here new york law is very clear about what is acceptable and what isnt when it comes to one in the relationship doesnt want to be in a romantic relationship and another in the situation does.

the law doesnt make any distinction between alters and hosts but let me tell you if one of my girl friends was sexually abused by one of my alters because my alter was in love and my girlfriend was not in love with my alter, me and all my alters would have been sitting in jail doing time.

to the original poster..I am so glad you posted and are focusing on whats best for you, your significant others feelings and the alters too...

my advice talk with your guy, find out how he would like to handle the situation...sometimes all it takes is you explaining the situation to the host and the alters may be able to understand/be listening/ or the host can sometimes talk inside with their alters to explain the situation so that the alter will understand..

if this isnt possible my other suggestion is going to couples therapy or asking your host if you can join in on a few of his therapy sessions so that this can get worked out in a way thats best for all.

another suggestion is something my girlfriends of the past would do...when ever the alters came out that they were not comfortable with being close to, having a relationship with they would do the same thing they would if it was a normal person that was giving them unwanted advances... they would find reasons to put physical distance between me and them...by going for a walk, going to the store, go do the house work, go take a bath by their self...this gives the situation time to cool down...

another suggestion with DID switching into alters is what we call here trigger related...what that means is the alters are there to handle what ever the host can not... that means something is going on that the host your guy, that is not comfortable with and he cant handle so the switch into an alter that can....Im taking a guess here since this alter holds romantic interest in you, that the job, purpose, reason for being of this alter is love/romance and possibly sex...when this happened with me the key was slowing down the relationship...take more time for things that dont cause this guy to switch into this alter..there will be plenty of time for the heavier romantic stuff later on down the road as your guy gets more comfortable and able to engage in romantic/sexual stuff with out switching. it is possible to find what is causing your guy to feel like he cant handle what ever is going on and the switch in happening. just talk to him. and pay attention to when this alter comes out.