Oh Adam, I feel so badly for you. I feel badly for your wife. I have lots to say here because I live and see both sides of this story.

I guess firstly your wife sounds like me. Just lost so much and having no get up and go. I don't work, but I do have 3 kids, so that is a little different. My dad always told my H it was his fault I was overweight. Now that was a half true statement. My H told him well I didn't set on her and force her to eat. But he did contribute to my feeling of helplessness. That can do crazy things to ya. To be in an abusive relationship like I had been in the past (and kinda currently as well) it just drains every bit of self worth out of you and you have no one but yourself to dig you out of that whole. That sounds kinda like where your wife is stuck right now.

Financial debt could be holding her back. She knows it is on your mind. She knows you will have to take care of that and she may be blaming herself for putting the burden on you. That is a hefty amount that the loan is for, I am sure that it is overwhelming to think how that is gonna be paid for. Is she by any chance passive aggressive? Meaning does she have ignore it and it will all work itself out mindset. I know that is my downfall.

As for going back to work, it is difficult as a larger person to find the acceptance and a lot of time you have already made up your mind that ain't gonna work trying to find a job. Larger women in my opinion have good luck when find "mothering" roles in terms of employment. At least there folks seem to be more accepting. Set w/ a senior, baby set, health care. I saw she worked in day care. Maybe keep a child or two at your home. If that is to demanding and down't work w/ her video gaming schedule,(I'm not being funny, a lot of people take video gaming very serious) maybe before and after school care. It pays fairly well. Here it is 50.00 a week. It's an hour in the morning and 3-4 hours in the evening. 3 kids $150. a week and never have to leave the house. I used to have a home owned day care. I had my 2 boys and 8 other full time kids plus 4 after schoolers. I never had to leave the house. I gave that up not because of my issues but because of my H. But that is a whole nother story.

Now I pet set. For farm animals mainly and reptiles. That provides some spending money every now and again. It would be helpful if she did something for money. Pet setting, dog walking. Even if it was not enough to pay on loans. (what a depressing way to spend your hard earned money) But it might give her confidence. New clothes, a hair cut, a new CD jsut a little enjoyment in life can go a long way.

I can feel for you. I know that sex is not what it once was back in your skinnier day's, I am not exactly a small fry. I tell my H no one chooses to be over weight. Little kids don't say one day when I grow up I want to be OBESE. It kinda chooses you and you have to deal with it and keep it from taking over your life and it will. That could be part of the sex issue. She doesn't feel as attractive as she once did. You still love her, my H still loves me. But it is just not what it once was.

She doesn't seem to be receptive to touches and hugs and stuff. That is difficult. That is one of the reasons my H and I started seeing a marriage T. My H feels unlovable and hurt by my actions, or lack of actions. I'm not just talking in the bed room stuff, but everyday touch stuff. There is zero here in my house hold. I can relate to your wife. I told the T my H was like a horny dog. Always attached to me, breathing all over, rubbing on me, good God get off of me is all I can think. I have learned to stay still and not walk away from his advances but I sure don't respond to them either and I realize now that hurts him. That seems to be as far as I can get to accepting his advances. I think that has to do w/ abuse. Having been in that position it leaves horrible footsteps on your heart. That alone is reason she should get into counseling. I do trauma T, trying to work on this but I don't have a supportive husband, so I can't work on that a lot right now. But it sounds like your wife has that much going for her, well for her and you to.

My H is the soul provider for me and 3 kids plus himself, definitely think before you purpousely have children. As for the video games it is most likely IMO a substitute for pot or what ever her drug of choice was. It is also mind numbing. You get an adrenalin rush, you spend hours of time numb and not in touch w/ reality, what's not to like. Except it don't pay the bills, it comes in between people, it destroys real relationships. Like any addiction it starts out small and harmless. What is it they say addictions will take you places...... it will take you further then you ever wanted to go.

Adam I feel badly for you. I see your wife in me, and your struggles in my H, except you guys get along. I fear to soon you will not get along if this doesn't get resolved. I don't want it to turn into resentment and slowly eat away at you guys.

I remember now what the title of this was, it was about finding someone else attractive.
No, that is not wrong. I tell my H we are not blind, we can't pretend to be. God made beauty to be seen, but not always touched. You can't touch the sky, you can't touch the soul, you can't touch the sun, all of Gods most wonderful creations you can't touch.

I hope I didn't take over your thread w/ my stuff. That was not my intent. I just want to let you know that I can relate and how. I hope this was not to scattered and wishy washy. By evening my brain is toast and I can't keep much together. I wish yall the best. Keep posting and letting us help support you.