The biggest challenge any of us face with ed's is wanting to get better. This seems particularly true with anorexia. There are a few personality traits many anorexics share, many of the type A variety which can drive you to perfect the ed further, but you can use that against it as well. And I know for me MM anorexia started when I was 5, one thing I had my entire life to lean on when all else failed ...and I know that many others have the same thought process.

I went to outpatient ed clinic and dietician and that really didn't help at all. If anything it made the pull stronger and that seems to happen often.MM I never got the true want to get better until I started yoga and then it just happened. Slow but it happened. I let go. I know that they use yoga as form of therapy for all ed's and that it has high success rate. I don't know if you have tried this option. I went there not knowing that and it still made a huge impact on the way I see and treat my body. I wonder if that might really help you too. If you do try I recomend going to a studio because you will also recieve support and a good healing environment. And I know that for me I started at 3 days a week and that was enough to keep me in that good place and be effective. My obsessive thoughts have been cleared away and I do not restrict anymore. There have been a few times when I was very ill and stressed where I slide a little but got back on track. Heck anything is worth a fair shot.

I can find you articles on this if you would like. There is a lot out there on this.

Now I was someone who would not give my ed up for anything. Nothing could deter me even when I was becoming emancipated and having a lot of health problems so I cannot believe how much that changed me. It can be down right scary thinking of giving it up, but yoga gave me new ways to replace what I was using the ed for and it was not scary. Actually now thinking of going back to it is scary. Didn't ever expect that to happen.

I like Christinas idea of how to handle this with your husband. I know you love them dearly. And I know how strong the pull of ed can be. But you can do this I think. It is very hard I think for people to really understand anorexia unless you have been there. The driving pull is hard to understand especially when it comes to something as against human instinct as this. And I know your husband loves you and yes he is probably very worried and confused. How can he understand this, my bf doesn't understand it either. I did notice how much the bipolar plays on the ed especially if you also use ed for control. I struggled with that a lot.

Try to rememeber that ed is much like addiction and that is it talking right now. You have the power within you to shut it down. Its really not your friend. And like Christina said this will pass, you are strong and you can get through this.

Always remeber there are quite a few of us here who understand this well and can relate to what you are going through. You are not alone in this. Anytime you want to talk we are here and care about you very much.

Sorry I ramble on so much but I really want you to get well and find peace with your own body. I understand how hard this is and how much it hurts. I don't want to see anything happen to you either.