Torn, ouch this is painful!! Forgive me if I don't know but how long have 38 sessions taken? could be 8-9 months, or twice that long. And is this the first T you've seen? with T1 it took me more than 9 months just to open up.

Yr T has given you some valuable comments here. Instead of you just wondering wondering wondering, she has given you some solid statements that the two of you need to explore together if the work is going to go well.

What I am sad about is seeing how hard you are beating yourself up with this
>> I’m totally unfixable
>> even a highly experienced highly trained clinical psychologist can’t seem to find a way to help me.
>> I’ve let myself be conned

this is all pain talking (and is very understandable). I hope that you can turn to other things and let this session & email process internally for a few days, and not spiral out over it.