Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom
There was a time in the first year or so of therapy that my T admitted he wasn't sure how best to proceed because if he seemed to push me at all, I dissociated; if he didn't intervene, I dissociated. I didn't leave him much margin for error.
At first I felt hopeless hearing this. I certainly didn't know what to do, and I felt incapable of doing anything different even if I'd had an idea.
But as we kept talking about it, I came to see that I had to make a conscious decision to make a space for the unknown. I had to trust that my T would be able to contain any feeling that might result from our interaction. And that I wasn't there to be acted upon--that the process would only work if I were willing to be a participant in creating it.
It was scary. But it was also how we both learned where my boundaries were, what I could handle, what was helpful to me.
But I had confidence in my T. I don't think I could have done this without it. I'm not sure whether your long-standing doubts about your T can be worked through enough to take such a risk. That would be a hard place to be.  |
Sorry Feral I ended up on page 2 before I could get back here to reply in sequence, this does NOT mean that your post is last on my list of people to thank! Thank you
I admire the way you've been through your therapy and how you describe it and the whole journey really, so I try and pick over whatever I can of your story to apply to mine - just call me Magpie!
That feeling you had of hopelessness when T said he wasn't sure how best to proceed, that's how I feel now I think. Like, but you're the T and it's your job and I'm the sicko client yet you're making me feel like I'm unfixable and it's all my fault...
I'm really curious about what you're saying in the third paragraph above, are you able to explain it a bit more? I have some ideas but they are just guesses and I'd love some more chapter and verse on it, only if you feel like it of course!
I guess the confidence thing is the issue for me here. It's like not only have I lost confidence in my T, but it seems almost like SHE'S lost confidence in herself too. Oh I dunno I know I'm reading a lot into a few words but I just can't believe how incredibly badly her email has affected me... maybe it's time for me to go and do some psychodynamic connecting or whatever... It sure feels like stuff from the past, an enactment at the least.