I don't really know how to help you, CE. You seem hell bent on spiraling. I know the feeling well, I think.

Maybe you just need to take a leap of faith and trust your T. That is what I have had to do in certain situations.

What is the smallest/easiest thing around which you can give up control/power? Can you try it step by step?

I guess I don't know what power you are still holding onto so tightly. You are already very open with your T, right? Is it just all about control? You need to give up the idea that you have power over others/your T?