Quote:
Originally Posted by Nightlight
My T has spoken in the same way and still helped me in the end. Stuck now doesn't mean stuck forever.
My experience has been that the most important thing in therapy is staying to work through these things. I hope that your therapist is actually competent enough to help with that, because it can be so healing.
Not that long ago one of the many mistakes I felt that my therapist made was apologising for her mistake by saying "I'm sorry you feel so hurt and angry". I was pretty annoyed when she tried to apologise for my feelings and not her mistake, in the middle of so many other mistakes.
I think if a therapist lets us focus on the reactions in brings up, if they work to fix what's wrong...or work to find a middle ground, and we work too...then yes, healing is still possible, even if you lose hope and even if your T stumbles to find a way forwards. I do think that a lot depends on their ability to help though. So it is reasonable to question their ability to provide help.
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Thank you again NL. I've part quoted things you've said that I respond directly to, but I think your whole post has been really helpful. Thank you.
I remember now I meant to reply to your earlier post and got sidetracked, about how even your T talked to you about being stuck, and couldn't help feeling really bad on your behalf, that's got to be the pits, when your own T sits there in stuckness. All kudos to you for hanging in there and getting through it
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What you say about the most important thing is being able to stay and work things through, this is what really worries me about my T's words, she's been adamant from the start of therapy that she is a T who 'doesn't give up'. So I've believed her and assumed that no matter what, if only I keep going, things will work out eventually. So along she comes and starts making 'I'm not sure I can really help you' noises and I'm thinking, if I keep going regardless is she going to then kick me out because she really can't help me? That my pushing myself to just keep going gets sideswiped because SHE isn't going to keep coming, so to speak. So yeah, you've really hit on something major there NL. Thanks.
Wow about your T apologizing for your feelings - that's the same sort of chop logic isn't it - did she accept and understand how she got it wrong?
And yes, while it would be nice to assume the best about my T, as you say, an awful lot rests on T's being able to help, so I'm really questioning her ability right now and I'm not sure that there's any answer to my questions.
To make it all even more triggering, next session is our last for a couple of weeks, so there's an added pressure coming from that. Therapy sucks!