Quote:
Originally Posted by Torn Mind
Had a lousy session yesterday so afterwards I wrote T an email giving her advance notice that I was unhappy about it and wanted to talk about it in next session on Thursday.
She replied with a typically brief message, but the content of her message has really spun me out and I wondered what you guys think of this. Here’s what she wrote:
I’ve put the lot in to give context, but the highlighted bits are the ones that put me into meltdown last night. I feel marginally better today but I have to say that my immediate and lasting reaction is that she is saying she can’t help me, that she doesn’t know what to do, that her comment about ‘keep on trying’ has got to be the least reassuring words I’ve ever read, and that she’s making me responsible for her doubts and feelings about my therapy.
Mainly I feel like I’ve lost all confidence and faith in this T – I’ve managed to coast along for the 38 sessions we’ve had so far by suspending my own reservations about her incompetence and lack of attunement, and by blindly assuming that as she’s the experienced psychologist, she does know what she’s doing even if I don’t see it. Now that blind faith has been blown right out the water and I’m really struggling with seeing myself being able to continue with someone who by her own admission doesn’t know what to do to help me  .
It’s how it’s making me feel that’s the issue, like I’m totally unfixable, that even a highly experienced highly trained clinical psychologist can’t seem to find a way to help me. And that I’ve let myself be conned again into believing this person could help me and all along she’s been tippy toeing around me and not being up front and consistent – I feel really betrayed and backstabbed here. Does anyone get that? Does anyone understand why I feel that way?
And oh yeah, the ‘I apologize IF’ really gets me too – she’s not big on taking responsibility for her part in ruptures in therapy, there’s always a defence or an explanation or at best an I’m sorry IF… I really don’t like how this is shaping up. Help, I’m feeling really bad here   
Torn |
It's tough to be disappointed in therapy. I find the return email to be a pretty good one, but yeah, T might have left out the part of how T is struggling to find the right treatment path for you ("getting it right") But all Ts go through this process with each patient. No two are alike and each modality available has to be tweaked for each patient, once the T find what does "work" for the patient/client.
This is why I don't like emailing with a therapist. There's just too much read into them--and often not the right thing! This email is all about the T's trying to help you, and says nothing negative about YOU!
But because T isn't face to face with you to realize you took it as a fault of yours, you didn't get the immediate support you needed, and had a meltdown.
Keep working with the T is what I say, for now at least. Some Ts don't care how you feel (how sad) and insist you find the path to their healing method, rather than come find you where you are and bring you along the healing path. This T is out there, holding your hand and walking with you to find the path that works for you back to healing.
